It
was another regular morning in the office. People bustled to and
fro, entirely absorbed in their daily business, never suspecting
anything could be amiss. Yet as the morning went on, a whispered
message began to spread from one employee to the next until it
reached the entire floor.
“There's
an important meeting for all employees in the boardroom.”
Not
far away, two people were riding the elevator to the top floor.
“It's going to be a red-letter day”, said a sharply-dressed man
in a dark suit, rubbing his hands together gleefully.
“I'm
glad you made a friend”, his female associate remarked in a soft
voice.
The
man narrowed his eyes. He was burdened with her presence this
morning, and as always, she was completely out of place. She was
dressed well enough, in a well-tailored woman's suit, but her
hairstyle was completely inappropriate for this kind of setting. Her
long, wispy hair blew about everywhere, leaving long white hairs all
over her clothes, though she was completely oblivious to it. The
vacant look in those dopey blue eyes told him she was going to be no
help, on this morning or any other.
“It
gets lonely sometimes” she added, in that same weak, squeaky voice.
She
could speak when they were here, but she never had anything useful to
say. He ignored her, focusing on the front of the elevator.
“What
are we doing here?”, she asked.
“We've
come to shut this place down!”, he grinned cruelly. “Everyone's
getting fired!”
“Oh
no!”, she exclaimed, her voice rising in volume just a tad.
“Surely we don't need to fire everyone.”
“We
may not need to, but we will anyway, that's what we do.”
“But
the people here will be so sad”, she said, looking down at her
feet.
He
rolled his eyes. How could anyone be so dense? “That's the whole
point!”
“But
why? Why do we have to do bad things?”
“Because
the strangers would do the same to us if they could! If we don't get
them first, we'll be lost out here forever!” He took a deep
breath. “Honestly, how do you ever make it back on your own?”
She
finally clammed up after that. The elevator doors opened, and they
walked out into the hallway towards the boardroom, the man striding
confidently ahead while the woman moped behind.
Everyone
was already gathered when they arrived. From the hall, he could hear
them talking in hushed voices, but the room fell completely silent
when he entered. He took a second to breathe in the tense
atmosphere, then he cleared his throat.
“Good
afternoon”, he began, in a tone of voice that could almost have
been pleasant. “As you may have heard, starting today, this firm
has a new owner. I am sure you are all anxious to know how things
are going to change around here under the new management.”
He
paused to give them extra time to squirm.
“This
company has a long, rich history”, he continued. “Through hard
work and toil, what was once a small, privately owned firm has
experienced years of growth. People have built good careers here.
In fact, you might even say that this company is just like one big
happy family.” Some of the people in the back breathed a sigh of
relief and he saw smiles in the audience. That pleased him.
“But
there's a funny thing about families: They're weak. People tolerate
mediocrity and incompetence because of 'friendship' and 'loyalty'.
Teams become bloated and unproductive because no one will make the
hard choices. Efficiency falls, and leaner, hungrier rivals pounce
on that opportunity like dogs on raw meat. That is what caused your
share price to drop, and that is how I was able to gain control of
this company so easily. The time has come to trim the fat. This
company can be run with fewer, lower-paid workers. They will work
under contract, receiving no benefits and having no tenure. Parts of
this company that are no longer necessary will be sold off to reduce
costs and turn a tidy profit.”
There
were people in the audience who were crying now. It was time to put
them out of their misery.
“And
as for all of you, your services are no longer needed. As of 4pm
today, everyone is-”
“No!”
Banshee
slammed her fists on the table, sending a puff of white hair floating
throughout the room.
“You
can't fire everyone!” she insisted, staring at him forcefully.
“Just look at them! You've got it all wrong!”
He
was momentarily caught off-guard by her defiance, but then a horrible
smile began to form across his lips.
“My
associate has a point.” He said, pacing back and forth across the
front of the room. “Relieving all of these employees and dividing
up the company will involve a lot of tedious paperwork. There might
perhaps be room for one person from this company to stay on as a
liquidation consultant, but it would have to be someone who would not
feel badly about taking this company apart. Is there anyone like
that in this room, I wonder?”
No
one dared to breathe a word, but they all turned to look at each
other. Banshee looked on in horror. Someone started to speak, but
he silenced them with his hand and began to walk towards the door.
“It
occurs to me that there might well be several candidates. Very well.
Whomsoever is the first out this door will have the job.”
He
gestured to the doorway from outside the room. There was a moment's
pause, and then there was a great scuffling of chairs and stomping of
feet as dozens of people frantically pushed and shoved each other,
scrambling over the table and knocking down the chairs in a mad dash
for the door.
“Stop!”
Banshee pleaded with them. “You're better than this!”, but they
just pushed her out of the way.
A
large, burly man with short brown hair was the first one out the
door. “We have our winner!” he declared, raising the man's arm.
“Well done, sir. It's good to find someone else who understands
what friendship is truly worth. And to the rest of you, pack your
things, I want you out of here by this afternoon.”
“Why?”
She demanded as they rode the elevator back down. “Why did you do
that to them?”
“Me?”,
he asked, innocently. “I did nothing. Those tendencies were
inside them all along, I merely gave them the opportunity to let them
out. If you want to know why they did what they did, perhaps you
should ask the stranger. Or should I say, my new assistant?”
“No”,
she refused, back to her usual overly soft tone of voice. “No...”
“Suit
yourself” he shrugged, “but that's what it takes to survive in
this world.”
---
She
didn't talk to him after they came back, but of course, she never
did. She just stood there, staring out over the waves with her head
in her paws and her tail drooped. Perhaps she was hoping to see
something out there, or maybe she was hoping not to.
He
shrugged. “What she does is no concern of mine.” The hunter
walked over to the helm of the ship and took the wheel in his paws,
contemplating for a while. Eventually he decided on a course to take
and perched himself in his favourite spot along the bottom edge of
the centre sail.
From
his high vantage point he spotted the ship long before she did, but
he kept quiet and waited. She eventually spotted the ship and her
tail perked up a little, but she didn't show the same excitement she
had before. “Perhaps she's realized how silly this all is”, he
thought to himself. “That's for the best”. Eventually the other
ship pulled up alongside his and the same annoying cream-coloured man
travelled across to his ship as the dark-furred one silently watched
from his perch.
“Well,
look who I ran into again”, he said, cheerfully. Banshee didn't
really respond.
“What's
the matter, pretty flower?” he asked her. Still she didn't reply
to him, so he lifted her chin up with his paw. She looked at him
through tear-filled eyes, and tossed her paws around him, burying her
face in his chest.
“Hey,
now” he pulled back a little, surprised by her outburst, and
gingerly patted her on the head. “Why won't you tell me what's
wrong?”
“She
can't”, said the dark-furred one, dropping down from above and
gracefully landing on one foot. “Haven't you figured it out yet?
She can't speak.”
Line
was taken aback. “What? That's awful. You must be so lonely.”
She didn't nod or give any other reaction.
“I
don't think she can hear you, either, or at least she never responds
to anything.”
“You
poor thing”, he said, rubbing the back of her head with his paw.
She looked up at him, and he bent down and rubbed their noses
together. “Stay strong, okay?”
Banshee
finally stopped crying and just stared at him for a moment, still as
a statue.
“It's
not the fact that she can't talk that's making her sad”, he
interrupted.
“Then
what's the matter?”, Line wanted to know.
“What
do you know about when the sun comes up?”
“We
travel to strange places, and that's when I do my material”.
He
hadn't expected that response. “Material?”
“Yeah, you know, make witty remarks, point out the absurd, and so on.”
“Yeah, you know, make witty remarks, point out the absurd, and so on.”
“Would
you consider a person who can't hear or speak to be absurd?”
He
shook his head vigorously. “Oh no, I could never poke fun at
someone's suffering”.
“Well,
this morning I took over a company that was losing a lot of money
from a rather large stranger.”
Line's
ears perked up. “See, there's your problem. Get rid of the fat
guy, you'll save a fortune on donuts.”
The
corner of the hunter's mouth twisted into the faintest hint of a
smile. “And here I was just going to make him run out into the
hall and maybe lose some weight.”
“Now
see what you want to do is tie a bagel on the end of a piece of
string and hang it from his head, he'll run much faster.”
“Hmm”,
the hunter thought to himself. “Perhaps this isn't totally useless
after all.”



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