What do you say when everything has
been said and nothing has been solved?
More than anything, Pack felt lost
right now. The entire time she had been gone, he always knew what
he'd say to her if he saw her again, and yet now nothing he could
think of seemed appropriate. He had spent so much effort trying to
find her, he never imagined that facing her again when she returned
might be the hardest part of all. He sighed and looked up at the
stars. She blamed herself for what happened? How could that be
true?
He knew he had to put things right, but
he still had no idea how, and time was drawing short. He peered out
over the helm of his ship at the ever-growing outline of the ship he
knew was hers. She was waiting for him. It would all come to an end
tonight.
There was a shuffling sound from behind
him. Someone cleared their throat.
“Ummm... Good luck, boss!”
The whole crew was assembled behind
him.
“You can do it!”
“We believe in you!”
“Your whiskers are looking sharp
tonight!”
“Everyone...” He started to say...
Snag stepped forward and embraced him.
“I knew you'd set things right, boss!” Absurdly, there were
tears in his eyes.
“You all assume too much”, he said,
rolling his eyes “she may not want to be with me anymore.”
“Then why is she waiting out there,
boss?”
He shook his head. “I guess I'll
find out soon enough.”
The last few miles felt like an
eternity as he finally pulled up alongside her ship. He hesitated a
moment, but she didn't come out to greet him. He swallowed audibly
as he laid the board across her ship and cautiously ventured across,
much the same way as he had on that very first night, so long ago.
He realized that even without his journal, he still remembered that
night as clearly as if it had been yesterday.
She was standing right there, perched on the railing, looking up at the stars. He hadn't expected to find her right in the middle of the deck, and he still hadn't figured out what to say yet. Flustered, he blurted out the first thing that came to him.
“I kind of expected you to be
hiding.”
That was stupid. It had only been a
few moments and already he had brought up the pain she had struggled
so long to deal with.
“No, I won't hide any more”, she
replied, stepping down from the railing. “I've decided to face our
past.”
They just stared at each other for a
while, saying nothing. This was exactly what he had feared would
happen. He knew that if he didn't say something, he would lose her
forever. All of the things he had planned to say had left him. The
only thing left was the truth.
“I never imagined it would be this
hard,” he admitted. “While you were gone, I thought about this
moment every single night. I played this conversation out in my mind
so many times, but now that I see you again I don't know what to
say.”
“What is it you want from me?” she
asked.
“I want us to be close again. I
still care about you.”
“Why?” she asked, flatly. “Why
did you refuse me back then?”
“I was too proud, and too set in my
ways. I was afraid to change the way things were.”
“Are you still afraid?”
“Not as afraid as I am of losing you
again.”
She stood there, considering it for a
moment. He could read no emotion on her face.
“I'm not the woman you once knew.
I've changed a lot. Does that change how you feel about me?”
“I think we've both changed. That's
what makes this so hard. I used to think that we could just go right
back to how things used to be, but it's not that simple. It's going
to take some time for us to become close again, and it may not be
exactly the same as it was before.”
“So where do we start?”
He knew this was it, if he gave the
wrong answer here it would all be over. The only thing he could do
was listen to his heart, and when he thought of all the happy times
they had spent together, one thing came to mind:
“Do you still remember that song?
The one you sung for me when we first met? It was when I heard that
I first knew you were special.”
She quickly turned away, and for a
moment he thought he had said the wrong thing.
But then, still gazing out over the
sea, she began to sing:
“The day is long and hard,
And the night is dark and cold.
Dreaming of another life,
Waking with the one I've got.
Putting on a different face,
Trying not to lose myself.
Precious things drift away,
Standing there I watch them go.
But as long as you stand by my side,
I won't fear the night or day.
Together we can find our light,
And never fear what lies beyond.”
The starlight shone down on her
brilliantly, and Pack was captivated by her. “It's just as
enchanting as it's always been”, he said, stepping forward and
putting his paws on her shoulder.
She slowly turned to face him,
sheepishly, “It's a bit embarrassing, because I understand what the
words mean now. Or maybe I always did. I always sang the song for
you...”
“Lapse...”
She looked down into his chest, unable
to face his gaze. “That night...” she managed, weakly, “I
came to tell you... that I loved you. But I didn't know how. Then
when you didn't want to go with me, I...”
“I know”, he said, squeezing her.
“I'm so sorry. I didn't understand. If I had known what it meant
to you, I would have gone.”
“Now you know”, she said, still
choked up. “...Would you come with me this morning?”
“Of course I will.”
The moment he finished speaking those
words she threw her arms around him and pressed her face into his.
He was startled to feel her tongue rubbing against his own, but he
quickly became accustomed to it and after a fashion, he returned her
sentiment in kind. He was actually a bit saddened when their lips
finally parted.
“Would you have done that if I had
agreed to go with you back then?” he asked, incredulously.
“I told you”, she said, very
sheepishly, “I'm not the same woman you once knew.”
“Yes you are”, he said, holding her
tight, “you may have changed some, but you're still you. And I'm
so glad you're back, Lapse.”
She couldn't contain it anymore, she
buried her face in his chest and wept openly. She didn't leave his
arms even for a moment until the sun rose.
---
Truth be told, he was still a little
nervous. He had never done anything like this before, and he had no
idea what to expect. Lapse had always brought a little chaos into
his otherwise highly formulaic existence, but the days had always
been his personal refuge, where he could relax and lose himself in
his work. He did face the Black Ship for her, he reminded himself.
This couldn't possibly be as bad as that.
“Are you coming, or what?”
Hearing her voice put his mind at ease.
He opened his eyes, and there she was, peering at him. Her dark
mottled fur had given way to tan-coloured skin and long black hair,
and she was dressed plainly in colourful shorts and a sleeveless
shirt. Her mismatched eyes remained as vibrant and full of life as
ever. Somehow, even though it was his first time seeing her this
way, it felt very familiar, and he smiled at her.
“Where are we going” he asked.
“What are we supposed to do here?”
“Oh Pack”, she giggled, “you have
so much to learn.”
She skipped over to him and took his
hand in hers. “Come on,” she said, tugging at him.
“Are we late? Do we need to hurry?”
he asked, doing his best to keep up. Being dragged along by her also
felt very familiar.
She laughed again. “Look around you,
silly.”
He hadn't really been paying much
attention to their surroundings, he was so focused on trying to
figure out what was going on. They were outside. He was standing on
a dirt path flanked by trees on both sides. He could hear the sound
of running water, as well as a number of high-pitched squeaks of
various kinds coming from above.
“It's lunch time?” he guessed.
Suddenly, she slowed her pace and
snuggled up to him, resting her head on his shoulder. “It's us
time”, she said, softly. “We're going for a walk together.”
“And we're not walking anywhere in
particular?”
“Oh, we are, but we've got time.”
He sighed, but deep down he was happy
to be with her again after all this time.
So they walked along hand in hand, at a
pace that would even have been slow for him. Every now and then
Lapse would point out something or other – a tree, or a bush, or
some other small plant, chattering away in much the same manner as
she always had. He didn't understand a lot of it, but he knew it
made her happy.
“So, is this what the days are like
for you?”, he asked.
“Sometimes”, she said, “well,
except I'm always by myself. Did you know this one is called Lilac?”
she pointed to another one of those little plants. “It smells so
nice. There are lots of nice things, though, it's not all flowers
and trees. Sometimes you can be inside, and they have all of these
great pictures that let you see things that are far away. Oh, and
there's also these little balls that they shoot up into the sky, and
they make the most dazzling patterns of light and colour, like a
million stars all at once.”
“It sounds exciting.”
“Well, maybe compared to the stuff
you usually do.”
“Oh? Am I dull?”
“Well, let's put it this way: Out of
all the plants we've seen so far today, you'd be grass.”
“At least I know that one.”
She laughed and snuggled up to him
again. “A walk in the park would be nothing without grass.” She
looked up at him. “I'm so happy you finally came.”
He embraced her and she nuzzled her
face into his chest.
“It's almost time”, she said
afterwards, a sudden sense of urgency in her voice. “Hurry now!”
“Now we're in a rush?!” he tried to
ask as she dragged him along. It seemed he'd be run off his feet
yet.
“Here we are”, she announced,
stopping suddenly in front of a bench. “We made it!”
She didn't seem at all tired, but Pack
was totally out of breath. “We wouldn't have had to sit down if we
hadn't done all that running.”
She laughed. “Just watch.”
He was more than happy to sit down.
She sat down beside him and snuggled in close.
There didn't seem to be much to see.
The river that Pack had heard earlier emptied into a lake in front
of them. If there was supposed to be something on the other side of
the lake, he couldn't make it out from here.
“Is something going to come out of
the lake?”
“Be patient”, she gently chided
him.
“I hope I won't miss it.”
“You won't.”
“Excuse me”, said a voice that
didn't belong to either of them. He turned his head to see there was
another man standing beside the bench. Lapse didn't even move. He
hoped there wasn't trouble.
“I was just painting this scene”,
the man continued.
“Oh, I hope we're not in your way”,
Lapse offered. Pack didn't even think she had been listening.
“Oh no”, he said, sheepishly. “I
just thought you two made a cute addition to the picture. I hope you
wouldn't mind being in it.”
“Of course not”, Lapse said,
snuggling up to him even more. “I hope it turns out great.”
He smiled and thanked them and went
back off to his work.
“It's getting late”, Pack said,
noting the sun in the sky. “Are you sure we didn't miss it?”
“Shhh...”
As the sun sank lower into the horizon,
the light swept over the lake, changing the colour of the water from
light blue to a brilliant orange. The light shimmered off the
water's surface, creating little pockets of white light in between
the waves.
“Wow”, Pack said, “I've seen the
sun set so many times, but I never thought it could look like this.”
“You see?” she said. “There can
be beauty even in the most simple things, if you know how to look for
it. That's what I wanted to show you.”
“Well, I don't know a lot about that,
but I guess it's a bit like when I watch you dance. Your movements
are so smooth and graceful that I can't help but be captivated by how
beautiful you really are.”
For once, she had nothing to say. She
just sat there, silently, her tan-coloured cheeks
as red as the setting sun.
as red as the setting sun.
“It's finished!”, the stranger
declared, holding the picture in front of them. The two of them were
curled up together in front of the dazzling sunset as it painted the
entire scene in a warm, orange light. “I think it looks just the
way it was meant to, don't you?”
“Yes, it's perfect”, Pack said.
“This is exactly how it should be.”
The sun slowly disappeared below the
horizon, turning the water from orange, to red, to purple, then
finally dark blue. The stranger vanished and the park faded away,
leaving only Lapse's ship floating in from a distance. Lapse's eyes
were closed as she lay there in complete contentment, he rubbed her
head with his paw to let her know it was time to go and led her back
to the ship.
---
He offered her his paw as she climbed
over the railing of her ship. “That was wonderful”, he said to
her. “I can't believe we could have been doing this all along and
I said no.”
She smiled at him. She had been quiet
ever since they were back in front of the lake, but now he had found
his passion for her and it was he who felt exuberant.
“So this is what it means to be in
love, is it?” he asked her, taking her paw in his.
“There's something more,” she said,
unable to hold his gaze.
“What is it?” He asked, eagerly.
“...Do you trust me completely?”
“Of course I do.” He lifted her
chin with his paw to meet his and stared into her eyes.
She kissed him again, but he was ready
for it this time, and returned it passionately, wanting to show her
that he felt just as strongly about her as she did about him. As he
did so, he felt his heart pounding with an intense desire for her
that he had never felt before.
“Then let me show you what lovers
do”, she said, taking his paw in hers and leading him towards her
cabin. She was still acting very sheepishly, but there was
excitement in her voice as well. He knew he was ready for whatever
it might be.
Inside her room, she sang the song to
him again, slower and with more emphasis this time, and he finally
understood what she had long ago. As the words dripped passionately
from her lips, they made the song theirs, and as they reached the end
together the look in his eyes told her she would never be alone
again.



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